


a hard day's night

by CadetDru



Series: you say it's your birthday [2]
Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Birthday, Blood Drinking, Colin Robinson says things and Nandor remembers, Familiars, Human/Vampire Relationship, M/M, Making Out, Mildly Dubious Consent, Pre-Canon, Vampire Bites, Vampires, gratuitous jeeves & wooster references, nandor the relentless is bertie wooster, references to corporate HR, wodehouse references mostly unnecessary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:09:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26409256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CadetDru/pseuds/CadetDru
Summary: The new boy, Guillermo, was still new enough and young enough to be the new boy.  He wasn't ready to contribute to procuring victims. He was too squeamish. He seemed willing to learn.  If Nandor worked with him, worked on breaking down his moral code, then he might be an excellent familiar for years to come.Nandor didn't know what exactly to do about that.  He was never entirely comfortable with anything like a "process" with people.  He just wanted to have the things already set.  That was the point of having a familiar, someone to take care of all of the hard things.  Nandor wanted a valet, like what's-the-name in those books by that writer friend of Laszlo's: the man with the bad fashion sense had the valet with the bulging brain who made his life easier and kept him out of inconvenient romantic entanglements.
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz & Nandor the Relentless, Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless
Series: you say it's your birthday [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1919545
Comments: 8
Kudos: 23





	a hard day's night

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [a (birth)day in the life](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26391208) by [CadetDru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CadetDru/pseuds/CadetDru). 



It was a normal night, a slow night. Nandor liked to have a few months of nights like these at home. He wasn't as young as he used to be, and he didn't need to until that much to feed. Guillermo had been underfoot since dusk, looking at Nandor when he thought Nandor couldn't see him. That was irritating. It had been months, but Nandor was still working on what Colin Robinson called the "onboarding process."

The new boy, Guillermo, was still new enough and young enough to be the new boy. He wasn't ready to contribute to procuring victims. He was too squeamish. He seemed willing to learn. If Nandor worked with him, worked on breaking down his moral code, then he might be an excellent familiar for years to come.

Nandor didn't know what exactly to do about that. He was never entirely comfortable with anything like a "process" with people. He just wanted to have the things already set. That was the point of having a familiar, someone to take care of all of the hard things. Nandor wanted a valet, like what's-the-name in those books by that writer friend of Laszlo's: the man with the bad fashion sense had the valet with the bulging brain who made his life easier and kept him out of inconvenient romantic entanglements. 

Nandor found the book he was thinking of, the stories about the valet and the clothes horse that he served. He was reading while Guillermo was attending, in general, to Nandor's desires. There was a lot of dusting to be done in the library, apparently. 

At midnight, the alarm on Guillermo's watch went off, so he put down the duster he'd been holding. His phone in his back pocket went off. The tiny electronic beeps broke Nandor's concentration.

Guillermo's small smile that he'd had half-hidden all night widened. He glowed with a smug happiness that Nandor hadn't seen before. This was not a good sign. Nandor didn't think that Guillermo had some outside love interest, but maybe it would be good for him if he did. Maybe it would be bad for Nandor. 

"What's all that donging and whatnot about?" Nandor said, waving a hand in Guillermo's general direction without looking up from his book.

Guillermo squared his shoulders. "It's officially my birthday."

Nandor didn't look up from his book. "Congratulations, how many years?" It was something like thirty, he was pretty sure. 

"Twenty-one," Guillermo said, clearly proud of himself.

Nandor knew Guillermo was young but an adult by the cultural standard. His vague understanding was that Guillermo would only now be able to purchase alcohol or rent an automobile. This should not have impeded any specific duties before, but any kind of restrictions chafed Nandor. "So young," he said, his voice flat.

"Yes," Guillermo said, his voice nearly breaking. He was still little more than a child.

Nandor did look at Guillermo then. "But so mature."

"Thank you, Master." Guillermo stood taller. He wore a black T-shirt with some kind of drawing squiggled across it, a grey hoodie and cargo shorts. From the victims that Nandor (and Nadja and Laszlo) had found, this seemed to be fairly typical for the early twenties. Nandor should have known. 

"You have so many years of life yet," Nandor said. It was his personal guarantee. Guillermo was practically a baby. If he was going to become a vampire, it couldn't be with this fresh face and lack of cares. 

Guillermo didn't respond right away. There weren't any lines on his face at all. Colin Robinson had said that the lines from around the nose and lips, the parentheses that framed the face, didn't start to set in until twenty-five. It wouldn't be plausible for a human to be turned into a vampire before that age at the earliest. "What, Master?" Guillermo said. He was pretending that he hadn't heard or he genuinely didn't understand what Nandor was telling him. 

Words weren't always enough for Nandor to express himself. He wanted his familiar to just know what he was thinking without Nandor having to reach through the ether or say it aloud. "I don't think I knew how young you were," Nandor admitted. It was almost an accusation; he didn't know how but his familiar had been tricking him. 

Guillermo's grin was gone. "That's the whole point," Guillermo said. "I've been with you for months, for years now, and I'm not that young anymore..."

"Not that young," Nandor repeated to himself. Guillermo really didn't understand. Nandor stood and walked over to Guillermo. He needed to make Guillermo understand. He put a hand on each shoulder, making sure he had Guillermo's full attention. "You are very young," he said. 

It wasn't surprising that Guillermo didn't understand that this meant that Guillermo wasn't ready to become a vampire. Guillermo had never married to Nandor's knowledge. He had never sired a child, fought a battle, or held any job except Panera Bread. He had not, in Nandor's estimation, lived yet. And it didn't seem like he was interested in it.

Nandor kissed Guillermo's forehead. He couldn't bring himself to do anything more. "Happy birthday," Nandor said, letting Guillermo go.

"Thank you, Master," Guillermo said, the words little more than a reflex. 

"Vampires experience a hundred lifetimes, so much more than you've had so far. You're lucky to be with me, Guillermo." Nandor sighed, just for the effect of it. "And I am lucky to have you. Hopefully I can keep you for a while longer." Nandor returned to his book. 

Guillermo returned to his phone with its ponging little sounds. Nandor wondered what he was thinking. He didn't want to think of Guillermo as a child, as his child. It wasn't like Guillermo was his equal. He was Nandor's servant, which had made Nandor happy up until a few minutes ago. Wasn't that enough? Why wasn't it ever enough?

Sometimes vampires were sought out by people who were seeking death thinking they were guaranteed life. They assumed that of course a vampire would want a pretty young thing by their side for all of eternity. This was a mistake. Most vampires had problems keeping a relationship going after a normal human lifespan. Even that long was a problem for Nandor. The blood of the despairing and broken-hearted never tasted good. 

Virgins tended to pine and long and treasure their precious unrequited lives. That didn't poison the blood, but it did mean that they made awful vampires. The qualities for a good meal or a good familiar were very unlike the qualities for a good vampire. 

If Guillermo was to become a vampire, then he would remain Nandor's companion. He would need lines and grey hairs and experiences. He would need to use a sword and a sharp tongue to defend and attack. He would need to not wear T-shirts with squiggle drawings on them. 

It was going to be at least another five years, just to be safe. Maybe five more than that. Ten seemed about right. Guillermo needed time to ripen before they could really consider it. There wasn't any sense in rushing into it. The valet in the books with the big brain would approve. 

Nandor let Guillermo attend to his needs to retire for the day. "You may have the rest of the day off," Nandor said as he laid back in the coffin. 

Guillermo smiled, and his face shone like the sun Nandor hadn't seen in centuries. "Thanks, I have some plans."

Nandor was jealous and pleased. Experiences needed to be had before they could have this conversation again

Nandor awoke alone. He opened the lid to his coffin. He waited. He was willing to wait all night. Guillermo was in his little room, sleeping. That was something at least. 

Guillermo," Nandor called sharply. Guillermo walked into the crypt like a zombie. He didn't look happy to see Nandor. He went through the motions of getting Nandor ready for the night.

"Didn't you have a good birthday?" Nandor asked, voice pitched a little higher than usual. 

"Yep," Guillermo said brightly. "And it's still happening. About to head out, see the old high school gang." Nandor frowned a little as Guillermo bid him a good night, promising to be back by dawn. The old high school gang sounded dangerous. 

Nandor spent another night reading, which was fine. He got everyone else to stay out of the library for the night. They could amuse themselves by laughing at Nandor's emotional state. He wasn't brooding or seething or any such thing. 

Guillermo came back before dawn, (as he'd offered) as Nandor had instructed. He didn't smell sullied. He didn't seem to be drunk. If he had been drunk, then Nandor would have helped himself to some of Guillermo's blood to join him in the celebration. That was still an option.

"There you are, Master," Guillermo said, joining him in the library. 

"You're back!" Nandor said, reclining on the couch where he lounged. "Now we can drink together," he said. 

Guillermo laughed. "Wine for me and blood for you?"

Nandor nodded. "Yes, I'll have your blood after you have some wine." 

Guillermo froze where he stood. "I'm not…"

"Don't worry. You're not a meal. You're my familiar." Nandor moved with lightning speed to stand over/in front of Guillermo. He kissed Guillermo on the lips, quickly without a single bite. "And we're celebrating your human life." 

Guillermo was young and inexperienced. He'd had some alcohol earlier in the evening. He was probably close to being completely sober but just a drop would do the trick. Some blood loss would as well.

Guillermo was as enthralled as Nandor would have been able to get him any way. He wandered out of the room to get the supplies. Nandor took his place on the couch again, leaving a little space for Guillermo to sit. 

Guillermo held two wine glasses, a corkscrew, and the bottle of red wine. Nandor idly wondered if Guillermo would taste as sweet as he always seemed to be. "We don't need the glasses," Nandor said. "You can drink from the bottle, I can drink from the source too."

Guillermo sat on the couch, as far from Nandor as possible. He struggled to uncork the wine, breaking out into a small, nervous sweat. Bits of cork floated in the wine. Guillermo stared at the bottle.

"Drink from the bottle," Nandor commanded, putting just a touch of hypnosis behind it.

Guillermo nodded. He held it up to Nandor as a toast. "To you, master."

Nandor watched Guillermo swallow the wine. Nandor reached to stroke Guillermo's throat to feel him swallow the wine. Guillermo started to cough. Nandor didn't pull away. "Happy birthday."

"It's not my birthday any more," Guillermo said.

It wasn't the best opening, but Nandor took it anyway. He lunged towards Guillermo's neck. Nandor pierced the soft flesh, took a quick drink, pulled back. Guillermo was staring at him with awed adoration. Nandor licked his lips. "Another drink?"

Guillermo took a pull from the wine bottle, Nandor bit lower down his neck, just above his shoulder. "Master…" he moaned.

"Too much?" Nandor said, his lips still on Guillermo's neck. He was a monster, but not an absolute monster. He wanted this to be a treat for his familiar, not a final torture for a meal or exit interview for an employee.

"Not enough," Guillermo said. That was a relief to hear, especially in the low shaky voice that Guillermo now had..

"Oh, so you don't just want a drink? You want to really live." Nandor found another spot to bite, on the other side of Guillermo's neck, not sinking in as deeply.

"Fuck," Guillermo said, drawing out the word much longer than was necessary.

"Not tonight," Nandor said, almost apologetically. Guillermo moaned again. "Have another drink."

Guillermo's hands were shaking. He almost hit Nandor with the bottle. He turned his head to get a better angle for the wine, which opened up a new spot on his neck. 

Nandor let his teeth just graze the trembling skin. "You're so afraid," he said. Young, untouched Guillermo was melting away under Nandor's touch. It was wonderful. It was annoying. Nandor needed someone who would stand up to more punishment than this. Guillermo could become that man, but it would take time. Nandor had time, if not patience. 

"I'm not afraid," Guillermo lied. "I know what I'm doing." Another lie. "I want this." A truth. "I'm not afraid." The first lie repeated again. 

"I can smell it. I can taste it," Nandor said. It was only a slight exaggeration. He could feel it in Guillermo's pulse more than anything else. He wasn't going to let Guillermo lose too much blood. He wanted to be sure that Guillermo lived through the night, that he remembered what Nandor could give him. This wasn't an end to anything.

"I...fuck," Guillermo said. It was probably not supposed to be a complete and self-contained thought.

"No, I don't think you do," Nandor said, converting his vampiric bites to more human bites to kisses. 

Guillermo was clutching at the bottle of wine instead of any of Nandor's layers of clothes. Nandor reached to put the bottle on the table. As soon as it hit the surface with a sloshing clink, Guillermo wrapped himself around Nandor, under the cape. The kisses on his neck became kisses on his soft lips.

"Another drink?" Nandor murmured into Guillermo's mouth.

"I think I've had enough to drink," Guillermo said. He didn't comment on Nandor's own thirst. Nandor appreciated the tact. There was the chance that Guillermo just didn't think it was his place to comment. Or didn't think at all.

"Very well." Nandor pulled away. "Next year, we'll celebrate properly," Nandor said.

"Properly?" Guillermo echoed. His eyes were closed. 

Nandor ran a hand down from the bites on Guillermo's neck to the securely covered section of his cargo shorts that hid his erection. "Properly," Nandor said. 

"We could do that now," Guillermo said, arching his back and pushing his body towards Nandor. He opened his eyes. "Please?"

"There isn't time," Nandor tutted. He didn't want this to be too easy for Guillermo. He had to make sure that a lesson was learned a goal was set. "You were out so late and it's almost dawn."

"I'm sorry, Master," Guillermo said haltingly. The lesson had been learned, but Nandor needed to make sure it stuck. 

"Time for me to retire to my crypt and you to retire to your bed. Just it's been. Just as it will be."

"Yes, Master," Guillermo said. He was breathing heavily. 

Nandor stood from the couch first. He held out a hand to Guillermo to help him stand. Guillermo zipped up his hoodie to cover his neck. The bites were already closed over, he wouldn't bleed on the fabric. He was getting very good at getting blood out of clothes. Nandor was proud of him. 

Guillermo wasn't shaking any more by the time he helped Nandor into his coffin. Nandor was proud of himself for improving Guillermo's night, for giving him one more experience that only a human adult could have. It would be repeated; Nandor would drink his fill. Just not that night.


End file.
